We all want to be successful and success means different things to different people. What does it mean to you? Do you want to spend less hours working so that you can spend more time with your family, or perhaps you want to travel or study of write a book? Whatever success means to you, it always involves money.
And usually we would like more – I call this money stress and everyone has it. When we don’t have enough we stress about that, when we have more than we need we stress about how we will invest it or about losing it. And money can make or break a relationship, whether that is with a spouse or business partner, and even with our children. Money seems to have so much power over us. But does it really? Is it really the coins in your purse or the absence of them that holds the power? Actually money only has as much power as we give it. Do we allow money to make us miserable or happy?
An easy way to find out how we allow money to affect us is to think about someone who has more than you.
- How do you feel about that? Are you happy for them or do you secretly envy them?
- Do you think that it is unfair?
- Do you find yourself saying not-so-nice things about them, things that might not be absolutely true?
- Do you secretly dislike wealthy people? And how do you react to those who have less than you?
- Do you perhaps feel a little superior or do you feel guilty because you have more?
Asking yourself these questions will give you a little more insight in to your own personal relationship with money.
The Money Thermostat
Did you know that studies suggest that every one of us has a money thermostat that is set at what we think we are allowed to have? This means that we will not allow ourselves to earn more than we are subconsciously comfortable with.
Our brains are much more powerful than any computer and we have many different programs running that affect our lives in ways that we are not consciously aware of. This is very handy because these programs allow us to do many everyday things automatically.
We do many things every day without thinking too much about ‘how’ we do them. Things like driving a car, or riding a bike or finding our way home every day or just making a cup of tea. When we have learnt how to do these things, we have a program running that kicks in and we do these activities without much thought or effort. This is great when the program supports us, but when we have a program running that doesn’t support us it is like having a virus in the computer. We do things automatically, and subconsciously, things that are working against us and not for us. Have you ever noticed that you do somethings over and over that sabotage your success in some area? Perhaps in a job interview or while interacting with someone you love, and then later you say to yourself ‘I always do that, I always mess it up! Or perhaps you say things like ‘I’m not good enough I am such a looser.’ So why do we do things again and again, over and over, things that we later regret but seem to have a pattern of doing ? Is our subconscious out to get us?
No, it is only doing what has been programmed to do.
Somewhere we picked up this program and our Money Thermostat was set without us even knowing. It probably happened in a few seconds. Now imagine what life would be like if you could consciously decide that your money thermostat needs resetting and then just re-set it? What if you could choose a programme that supports you? The good news is that you can reset any program that you have running, including your Money programme.
We are talking about money today because money affects all areas of our lives whether we like it or not, whether we admit it or not. Everyone needs money. Some of us need or want more than others. This modern world runs on money this is a fact, but there are many people who would rather not talk about money.
Just thinking about money makes some people anxious. If money makes you feel anxious and that it is something that is best not spoken about have you ever wondered why this might be?
Here is a little exercise. What is the 1st thing that comes to mind when you think about money. Do you have an early memory about money? Is it a positive or negative memory? If you have a positive childhood money memory you are part of a small group, most people have a negative money memory from childhood. That is where the programming started. So many of us have a memory of where money involved an argument. Perhaps parents arguing about money. Someone I know has a money memory of not being allowed by her parents to accept payment for a job that she did for someone.
No wonder she had a problem charging for her services!
Negative memories are full of negative emotions and it is the emotion that sets the thermostat. Somewhere during that incident we formed a belief about money and subconsciously decided how much we could or should have or how large or small our business should be.
The subconscious mind is very powerful but it will only do what it is programmed to. If we can look at it as an amazing tool that we have to work for us we can learn how to work with it and program ourselves for success without the stress.
John’s Story
I have a story that demonstrates how powerful the programs that regulate our Money Thermostat are.
This is a story about a client who I’ll call John. He grew up in very poor circumstances, there was never enough money and life was a battle even though his parents were good, hard working people. It just didn’t seem fair that they worked so hard for their employer who drove around in a big fancy vehicle.
John grew up hearing about how good respectable people are always poor and how the rich in this world are cheats and bad people. John grew up with a belief that good people have a hard life and that well off people are bad, and so unbeknown to him or his parents his Money Thermostat was set.
When John grew up he worked hard, but never earned enough to make ends meet. Eventually he started his own business, and became well known for his good work. But just could not get to where he wanted to be financially. This is when he came to see me.
We discovered limiting beliefs and negative money programs that were actually determining how much money he could earn. If he earned more something would happen to sabotage his success, keeping him in the ‘safe’ money temperature zone. His money thermostat was doing a great job. With the use of The Emotional Freedom Technique John successfully removed all the old programs and reset his Money Thermostat. Things started to change. He had more clients, he had higher paying clients and there was enough money to give himself a pay rise. Things were improving and then, an earthquake rocked the city. The building where John worked was badly damaged and he had to move out. As usual John worked hard and after some months he secured new premises in the city. He moved in with his team and then, another earthquake struck. John had just walked out of a café and the waiter that had served him was one of those who lost their lives that day. The city was in chaos. Fear and panic was on every face. He raced to the building where his business was, he risked his life and grabbed the main computer. Traumatised by the scene around him, but at least he had his client information.
The 1st earthquake had happened in the early hours of the morning and no one was allowed into the building, it was weeks before he finally could get his stuff out of the office that time So there he was, traumatised, clutching his computer amidst all the chaos of another earthquake.
During the unsettled months that followed, John, like many other displaced businesses managed to secure some office space and set out to rebuild his business, but he just couldn’t get it off the ground, in spite of the fact that so many people needed his services.
He just couldn’t make ends meet. How would he ever meet his overheads? He was miserable and depressed, something was wrong.
Once again with the help of The Emotional Freedom Technique we discovered that his Money Thermostat had been reset on that terrible day of the big earthquake. With the help of the techniques that I teach we made this discovery. He was feeling unworthy of a thriving business. People had died that day, people had lost loved ones, and some people had lost everything that day. What had he done?
He had only thought of himself when he had rushed in to get his computer. John was suffering from survivor guilt. And he felt so unworthy.
The important thing to notice about this story is that John didn’t know this on a conscious level. The work that we did brought it all to the surface. This reasoning was in his subconscious and he was making decisions based on this information.
The Emotional Freedom Techniques also helped him to work through the trauma that was still in his body and allowed him to see the truth of the matter clearly. He was able to see what a great service he was providing in this post-earthquake city.
He was providing employment for his team. He had the knowledge to help people get their businesses up and running. He has the ability to support businesses to grow and thrive under difficult circumstances. And this is what he has been doing ever since, giving expert advice and service to his growing list of highly satisfied clients. He has an amazing team today that share his passion, and a family that adores him. He no longer feels guilty about success. He knows that he is helping many businesses do exceptionally well. And so his Money Thermostat and subconscious mind is working together for him and not against him.
I love this story because we can all relate to it in one way or another. How often do we allow limiting beliefs get in our way of helping others? When we understand that money is just an exchange for good service, then we will thrive. It is true that there are people who do bad things with money, but it is also true that there are people who do a lot of good with their wealth. So let’s remember that it’s not the money that is bad.
An excellent way to raise the Money Thermostat is to be really grateful for what we already have and to start thinking of what good we would do if we had more money.
We’ll go into this in more detail when we discuss the power of gratitude.